An expert in online marketing

Do you know Mr. Murray Ambler-Shattock? He is an expert in online marketing. He is very creative, punctual and trustworthy man. I have worked with him and he makes me very happy! His work is great! I recommend Mr. Murray Ambler-Shattock to you if you need assistance in online marketing.

Gifts for my uncle

My uncle loves wine. He also likes to collect wines in addition to be enjoying it as a beverage. I got a dinner invitation from him at the end of this year and today I have prepared two bottles of wine complete with their personalized wine labels as my uncle gifts. I bought these wines from my friend who also likes to collect wine. I am sure, my uncle will be very happy with these gifts!

Myte Associates Management Consultants

If you need a consultant to provide input on your business development, you can contact Myte Associates Management Consultants. They provide full service for business owners ranging from small scale, medium to large scale. They are very reliable and proven to help the development of many business field and the business owners.

Top Rated Colleges in USA

My brother will graduate from high school next year. He plans to continue studying in USA. He always updates information about the Top Rated Colleges in USA through the Internet since now. He wants to study in a college with a good reputation so he can learn the most there.

My Basketball Team

I joined in the school basketball team since last year. My basketball team is very compact! We make the same uniform and dog tags specially ordered from BulkDogTags.net containing our names and our basketball team logos. We always wear our uniform and dog tags at practice or while competing basketball because we are proud to be one team! ^_*

I Love Beezmap

Collage

Avatar

Collage

I found a new online community on Beezmap. Beezmap is a multi-media SOCIAL CONTENT site. I can create online collages, avatar and wardrobe, communities and blogs, and feel free to add media such as mp3, video and image there. I can also share my creation from this site to my favorite social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. Yeah, that’s really cool! And I love it so much! ^_*

I attended to wedding reception

I attended to my close friend's wedding reception last week. The wedding reception is extremely interesting packed. The guests were entertained with dances, country wedding music, various foods and pre-wedding video from the bride and groom. Well, they are so romantic and the atmosphere of their wedding reception were full of love. I am really jealous with them ^o^.

The Kreio outerwear hitting the fashion floor!

Are you ready to see quality outerwear hitting the fashion floor?

I just ran into my friend who is a fashionista and picked out a luxury Kreio outerwear piece made out of Piacenza cashmere!! She was all decked out in Kreio fashion last night! She picked up Kreio at Neiman’s and loved all the different colors and different styles. She loved her Kreiotreo!

She had to pick up a ski style as well. The fit is incredible and she actually looked thinner and sexier in the Kreio outerwear. The Kreio brand is hot and all the outerwear is like a second skin or a women’s blazer. Throw out the sweaters most of them are insulated too with Thermore. KREIO is super luxury and the cashmere collection for Kreio is like butter.

Kreio really out did themselves with that cashmere quality. The Kreio outerwear fit is killer! I don’t feel like the Michelin man walking down the street anymore! She was decked out in Kreio style last night in the city, so I was a little jealous and went to Neiman’s and picked out a Kreio outerwear piece!!

My blogs ^o^

Semua blog dibawah ini, terindikasi kepunyaan hanya satu orang! :p

Siapa dia?

Jreng...jreng...

Dia adalah Angelina Kusuma alias Enjie wkwkwk =))

*Busyet deh, ternyata gue udah 'nyampah' segitu banyak di Internet ye :p

1. City of Enjie @Multiply
2. Angelina Kusuma @Blogspot
3. Daily of Enjie @Blogspot
4. Anime Storage @Blogspot
5. Fesyen Gaya @Blogspot
6. The Best World of Love @Blogspot
7. The Side World @ Blogspot
8. 1 Corinthians 13 - Love @Blogspot
9. City of Enjie @ Blogspot
10. Eenjiee @ Multiply
11. Enjie Anggie @Friendster
12. Ide-ide Wirausaha @Blogspot
13. Info Beasiswa Populer @ Blogspot
14. Angelnet Ponorogo @Blogspot
15. City of Enjie @Vox
16. Enjie @Otofriends
17. Angelina Kusuma @Comeze
18. Fesyen Gaya @Wordpress


Tapi ga semuanya blog itu up date seh. Dari segitu banyaknya blog yang gue bikin, Cityofenjie @Multiply and Angelinakusuma @Blogspot adalah 'nyawa' utamanya. Yang lain-lain, iseng doang ngisinya :p.

Dulu pertama kali gue nge-blog, bikinnya di Friendster. Trus kenal Fay alias Fifi Sunari yang punya seabrek-abrek blog, gw jadi ikut-ikutan punya banyak blog juga deh :D.

*Kayaknya si Fay punya lebih banyak blog dari gue deh. Lha, gue aja yang 'anak buah'-nya punya 18 blog, apelagi 'suhu'-nya yak? wkwkwk.

Ada yang inget alamat blog-blog gue yang lainnya? Laporin ke gue ya! Mungkin ada yang kelupaan gue tulis di daftar ini hahaha =)).

Erkin Bekbolotov

I like jazz. This music makes me feel relaxed and peaceful. After working for a day I usually listen to jazz while resting at home. A jazz harmony always makes my tired gone!

I'm looking for information about the latest jazz on the internet once a week before deciding to buy a jazz album that I desire. And today I found "It Amazes Me", a solid jazz album with a mix of traditional and post bop. Well, it seems so nice.

The discovery of this news made me read the article more deeply. The album "It amazes me" by Bob Mover was produced by Erkin Bekbolotov. He is a music producer, businessman, and philanthropist. Wow, I think Erkin Bekbolotov is also a great man.

What are Pimples? What Causes Pimples? How to Get Rid of Pimples

What are pimples and how can I get rid of them?

Pimples are small skin lesions or inflammations of the skin. They are commonly caused by clogged or infected pores. Pimples usually develop after blackheads or whiteheads have become infected. When breakouts of pimples occur often, it is considered acne. There are many causes of acne, including bacterial folliculitis, keratosis pilatis and other skin conditions. It is highly recommended that if these conditions exist, that they are treated immediately. Often, if not treated, these conditions can lead to severe acne. Most times, when acne is ignored, it can leave visible scars on your skin.

Many teenagers experience pimple outbreaks. It is at this time that the skin attempts to adjust to hormonal changes that occur during puberty. However, many adults suffer from acne as well. Women typically develop pimple outbreaks during their menstrual cycle. This happens because hormones surge before or during menstrual cycles causing excess oil to clog pores.

What causes pimples?

Our skin consists of millions of tiny pores. These pores are connected to oil glands. Once these oil glands are blocked by dirt or other factors, the oily substance, (called sedum) clogs our pores causing pimple outbreaks. A major contributor to the outbreak of pimples is the elevation of hormones, usually occurring during puberty or menstrual cycles in women. This results in the hormone by-product called DHT. This hormone by-product overstimulates the oil gland resulting in clogging of the pores, which then results in acne production. To address and help treat this problem, there are creams and ointments available over the counter. These ointments can easily be applied topically to the blemish. However, if the condition seems to worsen, it is recommended that you see a dermatologist or skin expert immediately.

How do you treat pimples?

The best advice to maintain a good complexion is to address the problem of acne before it begins to exist. You can begin by following a regular skin cleansing regimen to rid your pores of unwanted particles and dirt. The easier it is for your skin to breathe, the fewer problems will occur. It requires some discipline and patience to maintain a skin regimen, but you will be thankful in the long run.

However, if you have an already existing skin condition, there are many things that can be done to help this ongoing problem.

It is advised not to attempt to extract the sedum yourself. This could lead to further infection and scarring. Another piece of good advice, is to avoid touching your face often, especially if you already have pimples. Increased friction on the pimple will cause it to close up further, making extraction a lot more difficult.

Purchase oil-free and antibacterial cleansers made especially to combat pimple outbreaks. Be careful not to over scrub, however. Your skin needs a certain amount of oil to remain healthy. Over scrubbing or over cleaning your skin may cause your skin to become too dry, which then may aggravate skin and will result in another set of outbreaks. Cleanse deeply, but moderately. In fact, some skin experts even recommend that you wash only with water and mild soap, such as baby soap. It is also advised not to switch cleansing products too often. This may also cause allergies and other skin problems.

If you feel you are able to treat your own outbreaks by extracting pimples, be sure to do so under extremely sanitary conditions. Only attempt to extract blackheads or whiteheads. If red pustules are manipulated, they may result in the spread of acne when then results in scarring of the skin. Use sterile materials and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before and after extraction. In severe conditions, an injection is available from dermatologists or aestheticians called kenalog. This is a steroid that can aide in clearing the breakout in six to twenty hours.

If your pimple outbreaks recur often, it may be best to consult a doctor for treatment.

The Men in Christ's Life: Doubting Thomas

Kris Swiatocho

My stepfather is only one example of a man who has impacted my life as a result of his relationship with Christ. Throughout this series, I want to share with you about some of the other men who have impacted my life solely because of their relationship with Jesus. I believe as I share that you, too, will connect with them and discover for yourself how God has always had a plan for you, is working it out in your life and will never leave you.

There are times in all our lives that we may question God. We may question if He is really there. We may question that Jesus was His son. We may question if He really cares about us and is listening to us. We may question if He loves us and why.

When I was a small child, I was very "religious." I grew up going to a Catholic church. Even though my birth father was Catholic and my brothers and I were baptized Catholic (my mom preferred not to convert from being a non-church-going Presbyterian), I was the only one who went to church. As I think back, I have tried to come up with a reason why I would choose to go to church (mass) even though none of my family went. The only thing I can come up with was church was just one more place I could talk, be creative, and build friendships. I wouldn't know it at the time, but it would create the foundation of my walk with the Lord.

From an early start in life I had always been very independent. So going to church (I would walk three blocks since the age of six) was something normal to me. I liked it, so I went. But there is something else I remember: I would learn to not only have reverence for my Holy God, but I was to fear Him, too. I was aware of when I did something bad that God would not be happy with me, but it would be many years before I would ask the Lord into my heart and receive salvation. Years before I understood why I feared God and why I needed to be "saved." This fear of God would lead to a relationship of doubt. A relationship of rules and regulations. A relationship of worry if I didn't follow the rules. A relationship where I was the child and God was the parent, waiting to strike me down, spank me or hurt me. I would grow in my relationship not really understanding His love for me. I would grow wanting God to prove Himself to me. I had become a doubting Thomas.

As the years passed, I would fall away from the Lord, stop going to church, and get into all sorts of trouble. I would spend several years chasing whatever that I thought would lead to happiness--whether it was wealth, fame, pleasure, or relationships, I was on the fast track. But like all fast tracks, they lead you in a circle, a wreck or sometimes death. Yes, mine would lead to a death, a death of my old life with the birth of a new life in Christ. But despite where Christ had saved me from, despite all the blessings of a new life, new direction, and new peace, etc., I would still have days of unbelief. Days where I just wasn't sure if God was God. Days that I wish He would just show up and I could touch Him. I could put my own fingers in His side. For sure, then I would then believe. If I could just touch Him, I would never not believe again. Or would I?

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name (John 20:24-31).

What I Have Learned from Thomas:

1. Thomas was a leader.

We know from earlier scripture that Thomas was a tax collector (Matthew 10:3). No doubt he was used to dealing with people. He was used to hearing every type of excuse and problem in relation to people paying their taxes. We also know from earlier scripture that Thomas was the one who spoke up in reference to going back to Judea to see Lazarus (John 11:16). Thomas also spoke at the Last Supper, making reference that he did not know where Christ was going (John 14:5). So, we can deduct from this that Thomas was not afraid to speak his mind or ask questions. He was not afraid to go or do what he thought was best at the time. This is probably why we don't see him with the other disciples in this specific verse. Thomas' ability to speak on his own and ask questions shows his leadership. It would be needed down the road as he traveled to share the news about Christ.

Thomas taught me that a good leader speaks up. A good leader is willing to take chances in what he may say and the responses that come from it.

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came (John 20:24).

2. Thomas showed me that it's normal to doubt, but we need to use this doubt to believe.

Sometimes we want to knock Thomas upside the head. I mean, shoot, Jesus has been there with you these three years, healing, performing miracles, changing lives, etc., and you still don't believe. What is wrong with you, Thomas? But, what is wrong with us? How are we different than Thomas? Yes, they may have had the son of God in front of them, but we have the testimony of many men and women for two thousand years. We have our own lives and what Christ has done. We have the Holy Spirit. Then why do we doubt? Because it is human nature. The world constantly pulls at us. The world says, "Believe me, believe in yourself, believe in your car, your checking account, your family, your, your. ..." This constant pull toward the world pull us from the Savior. The more our minds are full of the world, the less they are full of the Savior. It only makes sense that we would then start to doubt or question.

Sometimes our doubt comes from the past. Like in my case, I never understood unconditional love. Between what I was being taught in church to my birth father, who was an army man (I was his little soldier), my life was full of rules. It would take a new father on earth (my mom would marry a wonderful Christian man) and one in heaven to redirect and renew my thinking. It is a process that I am still in to this day. To take all the lies from my past and turn them to truth. Acknowledging the goal of the devil with the goal of the Lord.

People ask me, how do you know the will of the Lord? When I notice my doubting starts to creep in, sin starts to show up, fear starts to overtake ... I have allowed His will to be overshadowed. It is only when I seek Him EVERY DAY that I am able to hear from the Lord for what He wants me to do, His will. Don't allow your doubt to make your heart hard, produce stubbornness and pride.

So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it" (John 20:25).

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).

3. God's timing is perfect for what He is doing. He wants us to learn to have confident patience.

A week had passed since Thomas heard that Jesus had appeared. He had stated that he would not believe "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." Of course, I would be like, "OK, Thomas, let's go find Jesus so you can see that he's real." But this didn't happen. Instead, a week would pass and Thomas didn't get to see or touch Jesus.

What I love about this period of time passing is the gift the other disciples got that Thomas didn't get. Thomas said he wouldn't believe unless he could touch Jesus himself. Wow, then a whole week passed where perhaps the other disciples were sharing their experiences of seeing Jesus. Can you imagine what it must have been like? To begin with, this might have only aggravated Thomas' doubt. I mean, "Jesus, if you are real, then show up right now and give me a job, find me a spouse, fix my relationship, give me money. Jesus if you are really God's son turn these stones into ... umm." Yikes! What have I become? Who does that sound like?

God's timing is perfect. Jesus wants us to learn to have confident patience for what He wants to show us in His timing. He wants us to have everything in His will for our lives. But everything needs to be for His purpose, not ours. Sometimes waiting makes us even more frustrated and impatient. This is when we need to be drawing toward Christ even more. Maybe that is what God was trying to do with Thomas. Maybe that is what He is trying to do with us.

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" (John 20:26).

4. When Jesus tells you to do something, you don't talk back. Just do it.

Wow, I can hear the Lord speaking to me at this very moment. It's like, "Kris, OK, you have had your little panic moment. You've allowed the world in again. You've allowed someone or something to have more truth than me. Stop! Stop! I am the Spirit of God living in you. In you! Call on me to guide, teach and direct you. Call on me to give you peace. This world gives you NOTHING! Then why do you keep going to it to fill you, complete you, and comfort you. You need proof? Think back to all the times I have loved you, protected you, provided for you, and ultimately saved you from hell. Think back to all the times you have seen me protect and love others. See me in this horrible world of selfishness shine above it. So stop, Kris! Stop doubting! I am here! I have always been here. I have not changed. Believe!"

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe" (John 20:27).

"I the LORD do not change" (Malachi 3:6).

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well (Luke 12:29-31).

5. Thomas taught me I could believe without physically touching Jesus.

Thomas would see Jesus and as far as we know, not touch Him and would believe. So what is our proof today? Jesus died on the cross to save us. It is in the fact that He provides, protects, and loves us. That His Holy Spirit now lives in us for those who have received Christ. Why is it so important that we have Jesus in front of us? So we can touch Him? We have touched Him. We have felt His arms around us. We have eaten dinner with Him, cried with Him, and laughed with Him. God's arms are in those who love us. We are an extension of the Lord. We are his arms, hands and feet.

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28).

I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward (Mark 9:41).

6. Jesus sends hope to all of us.

I am blessed because I was not there to see Him physically. Isn't that wonderful? God acknowledges and understands that it is harder to believe because we were not there. He is giving us a blessing because we have believed. So be excited in knowing He understands. And because it is harder, He knows we may slip back to questioning. But, this questioning can lead to a desire to know the Lord more.

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29).

7. We have Jesus' Word, His witnesses and His Spirit to believe.

Jesus did all he did so that we would believe. God recorded this to help the future generations. On top of that, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us, give us hope, peace, encouragement, etc. And God continues to use others as witnesses on this earth. For the Lord wants all to come to know Him. Now it is our turn to be His arms and feet to help others to believe.

Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name (John 20:30-31).

This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:3-4).

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come (John 16:13).

God would show me then and now that even though, due to life circumstances, I may still doubt, it is a way to bring me back to Him, to His arms, to His presence. Sometimes I have hard time believing that He loves me as I am with all my cracks and scars. That He loves me unconditionally. That nothing I can do can take that love away from me. If I only get that in my head and start to believe, I could change the world though Christ. I am getting there, one day at a time. Are you? Let your doubt deepen your faith and draw you closer to the Savior.

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand (John 10:28).

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

Before You Say "I Do" to a Pre-Nup…

Stephen Bloom Esq.

Are you a joyful bride-to-be? An eager (or nervous!) groom? Perhaps you have a son or daughter getting married this summer? Perhaps a beloved grandchild? Or maybe a lifelong friend? So many of us have a special acquaintance or family member ready to "tie the knot" in a beautiful marriage ceremony of thrilling romance and holy commitment this year. So what does any of this have to do with the law? Why am I raising the subject of weddings in my Christian legal column?

I'm writing to brides and grooms and those close to them because I want to encourage you to build the strongest possible marriage from the beginning, a marriage built on the solid foundation of God and His Word. And I'm writing because I want to encourage you not to weaken or undermine that sacred foundation by relying on destructive legal "worldly wisdom" that commonly advises you not to get married without first entering a pre-nuptial agreement.

A pre-nuptial agreement (informally called a "pre-nup") is a legal contract between a husband and a wife. It spells out in excruciating detail who owns what property, who has what legal rights, and exactly what happens if the couple gets separated or divorced. But is a binding and enforceable legal contract between husband and wife really consistent with God's plan for Christian marriage?

In an era of frequent marital break-ups and complex family structures, our cynical culture and most secular lawyers portray anyone getting married without a pre-nup as either foolish or naive. Before the wedding day, we are warned, wise couples should agree in writing what will happen if and when the marriage dissolves. But is there something wrong with this pessimistic advice? Should Christians begin their sacred marriage relationship as if it were just another business deal? Is it healthy for a husband and wife to be forced into negotiating against one another as legal adversaries, each with their own attorneys, in the days or weeks before they are joined as "one flesh" in the eyes of God?

As a Christian lawyer, I believe pre-nuptial agreements tend to undermine the marriage relationship, putting the sacred covenant on shaky ground from the beginning. God calls husband and wife to be unified - to live as one, to share freely, to trust and honor and love each other in every way. But the very process of creating and executing a pre-nup glorifies a contrary perspective, one that is destructive and disruptive to the marriage. The whole psychology of pre-nuptial agreements encourages each spouse to think of herself or himself as separate from the other, to be suspicious of the other, and to hold on tightly to "what's yours" and keep it from the other! It's the opposite of unity!

I know my thoughts on pre-nups run contrary to what most lawyers would consider "correct" legal thinking. Certainly my perspective does not fit the conventional model of standard secular legal counsel for engaged couples. But as a Christian lawyer I have no choice but to look at the legal questions we face from a biblical Christian viewpoint. I answer to a higher authority, and that authority says, "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24 NRSV)

How committed to each other should a Christian husband and wife be? Should they be 50% committed? 70% committed? Is a 90% commitment enough? Isn't the answer 100%? When God teaches us about marriage, when he uses those words "one flesh," it sounds to me like God intends for husbands and wives to be 100% committed to each other. But the existence of a pre-nup sets the husband and wife at odds with each other. It's like saying to your beloved future spouse, "Honey, let's agree up front that we aren't necessarily 100% committed to each other." And that's why I'm very reluctant to endorse the use of pre-nuptial agreements. To me, they just don't seem consistent with God's design for Christian marriage.

Lawyers could probably think up a thousand different situations where cold logic and a secular perspective might dictate that the spouses "need" a pre-nuptial agreement. But under God's plan, what either spouse has "going in" doesn't really matter because everything belongs fully to both spouses once they're married. If either spouse feels they can't freely give everything to the other, then, quite frankly, I would humbly suggest they need to seriously and prayerfully reconsider going through with the marriage vows.

With wedding season still in full swing, let me urge you, engaged couples, to focus on building lasting oneness between you, as you both seek to serve and honor Christ in your upcoming marriage. And for those with friends and loved ones about to be married, let me beg you to do your part to encourage that kind of Christian unity and help the couple resist secular pressure to buy into "pre-nup propaganda"!

I pray God's blessings on my brothers and sisters about to enter the joy and richness of Christian marriage. I know marriage won't always be easy, but you will never regret beginning this precious journey together on the unshakable foundation of Jesus Christ and His Word. So please, think twice before you say "I do" to a pre-nup!

What Iron Man and Batman Say about Us (For Man)

Dan Johnson

He has showed you, Oh man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

Two summer blockbusters tell us more about ourselves than we realize. The first movie, Iron Man, is an adaptation of Marvel Comic’s series about billionaire weapons maker Tony Stark who dons a suit of armor to fight those who use his technology to hurt others. The irony is that Stark’s product is weaponry, which always kills and destroys regardless of the intentions or ideologies of the user. Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) is forced to overcome his own self-indulgence and lack of concern for others when thrown – literally, blown – into a world of realistic suffering.

The second movie is The Dark Knight. In the new Batman movie, we witness an all-too-human hero (Christian Bale) whose fight against evil is really a reflection of his internal struggle for a healthy heart and mind after personal tragedy. In The Dark Knight, as in all Batman movies, crime plagues the city and an evil nemesis shows up to wreak havoc, to test and tempt the heart of the superhero before the final fight begins.

Iron Man and Batman have two obvious similarities: both have “man” in their names; “man” is the last three letters of HUMAN. We all struggle with a dark side and have to get up each day and overcome it with God’s help. Like these two heroes, the only hope we have is by putting on a suit of armor (see Ephesians 6:13) which gives us the attitude, the mindset and the internal power of the Holy Spirit to generate supernatural living.

Like our superheroes, we want to see justice in the world. The thought that we could do something about world hunger, child abuse and exploitation, and AIDS makes our hearts beat fast. Good people are angered by the pain and despair of others. Watching movies about superheroes and loving mercy may cause us to think, but we must move on to doing justice.

Are you like Batman, praying to overcome the dark side in your own life so you’ll be ready to fight the good fight when called upon? Are you like Tony Stark before the change of heart, focused on your wants and desires? Or, perhaps you are already on a mission to do as much good and help as many people as you can? Today is a great day to put down the popcorn, suit up and start living before the movie is over.

Going Deeper:

1. The Bible teaches that we can do “all things” through God. What do you need to overcome to feel ready for a new assignment?
2. What are your strengths and how are they being used today?

Further Reading: Ephesians 6

A Biblical View of Feminine Beauty

By Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre

Last week, the Mahaney women discussed the finer points of having a modest and pure heart (read Fashion and Following the Savior here). But does modesty leave room for the outward beauty we all desire? This week, Carolyn and daughter Nicole go to the Word to find out...

Carolyn: Now that we've established that modesty begins in the heart, it's time to consider what it means for our wardrobe. What's a modest girl to wear? Once again, let's turn to our 1 Timothy 2: 9 passage. Here Paul instructs the women to clothe themselves in "respectable apparel."

Now let me set your mind at ease. Adorning ourselves in "respectable apparel" doesn't mean we must restrict ourselves exclusively to cheap, out of style, unattractive clothing. Paul is not saying that gold or pearls or braiding are forbidden. In fact, you will find other places in Scripture where godly women wore fine clothing and jewelry.

For example, the Proverbs 31 woman - who is put forth in the Bible as a model for biblical womanhood - wore colorful, high-quality clothing (Pr. 31:22). We read where the bride in Song of Solomon adorned her appearance with jewelry (S of S 1:10). We are told that Esther underwent 12 months of beauty treatments - 6 months with oil of myrrh and 6 with perfumes and cosmetics (Es. 2:12).

So we are not to take this verse to mean that godly women should try as hard as they can to be out of style and unattractive. No! Quite the opposite. God is the creator of beauty. God delights in beauty. All we need to verify this fact is to consider the beauty He created all around us: whether it is an elegant flower, or towering trees, or a meandering river, or billowy clouds or the majestic night sky. Every time we stop to take in one of these breathtaking scenes on display in God's creation, we can't help but be convinced that He delights in beauty!

And because we are created in the image of our Creator, each of us has this propensity to make things beautiful. That means, when we decorate our homes, or plant a lovely flower garden, or seek to add some form of beauty to our surroundings, even when we attempt to enhance our personal appearance - we are actually imitating and delighting in the works of our Great Creator.

Now granted, these activities can be sinfully implemented; but still, we must not overlook the fact that the essence of our desire to beautify comes from God. John Angell James in his book, Female Piety (first published in 1860), offers this helpful thought:

This taste [for beauty], however in many cases it may be altogether corrupted in its object, wrong in its principle, or excessive in its degree, is in its own nature an imitation of the workmanship of God, who, "by his Spirit has garnished the heavens," and covered the earth with beauty.

Now hopefully we have convincing proof that our desire to enhance our appearance isn't wrong, that "respectable apparel" does not have to be dowdy or out of style. So what exactly does Paul mean by "respectable apparel"?

Nicole: In 1 Timothy 2:9, Paul insists that the women "adorn themselves with respectable apparel" and not with gold, pearls or braids. If Paul was not forbidding stylish clothing or banning jewelry, what was he getting at?

To the women of this first century church, Paul writes to warn them against imitating the dress and adornment of the ladies of the Roman court and the prostitutes. These women were known for their extremely expensive, showy clothes and ridiculously elaborate hairstyles. They dressed, not only to attract attention, but to seduce as well. Paul does not want the women of the church to dress in this manner and thus be a distraction during the church service, or at any other time.

What he is condemning is not attractive attire, but the association with worldly and ungodly values. Women who profess godliness, he says, should not dress in such a way that resembles those who are extravagant, or worse, intent on being seductive or sexy. Simply put, we are not to identify with our sinful, worldly culture through our dress.

So, the question for us is this: Who are we seeking to imitate or be like in our dress? Who inspires our wardrobe? Are we preoccupied with looking like the latest American Idol winner or the actresses and music stars on magazine covers, or the immodest woman next door?

A while back, I saw a few minutes of one of the innumerable makeover stories on television (I'm surprised we haven't all been "made over" by now!). Two women were going to receive a new look. One of them wanted to look exactly like Jennifer Anniston, and the other like Jennifer Garner as I recall. These two ladies (who, I'm sorry to say, didn't look a bit like the actresses they so admired) were just gushing about how much they admired everything about these glamorous stars—their style, their way of walking, their clothing, their hair. It might have been comical if it wasn't so sad.

Most of us are not trying to look exactly like a famous actress—we know it's a lost cause! However, if we are seeking to imitate the sexually enticing clothing of the women in our culture, we are no different than these two wannabes. That is why Paul's message is urgent—not just for the original recipients of his letter, but for us today. He doesn't want the women in the church looking exactly like the ungodly, seductive women in the world.

Women in the church are to be different from the world. We should be stand-outs—not because of our revealing clothing, but because of our distinctly modest heart and dress.

No Greater Love

By Kathi Macias

When Jesus walked the earth, He talked a lot about love; more importantly, He modeled it. For instance, one of His most famous sayings about love is found in John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." He showed us what that sort of love looked like when He hung on the Cross, dying for a lost and sin-sick world.

Many have followed in Christ's self-sacrificing footsteps over the years and centuries. The term "martyr," from the Greek for "witness," was first used in reference to the Apostles. But as persecution of Christians increased, the term was used for all Christians who gave up their lives rather than deny their Lord. The second-century Church Father Tertullian declared that the "blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church," meaning that believers' willing sacrifice of their lives drew others to faith in Jesus Christ.

Many of us have heard the valiant stories of those martyrs of the early Church, but the truth is that more Christians have died for their faith since 1900 than in all the previous centuries of Christendom combined. Even today, at this very moment, someone somewhere is suffering for love of Christ.

But what about those of us who live in countries where persecution to the point of imprisonment, torture, or death has not yet invaded our lives? We are grateful for that freedom of worship, of course, and hopefully we are praying for and supporting those Christians less fortunate. But does that mean we have no opportunity to show others the great love that is our birthright as believers, that love that is evidenced in selfless living?

Not at all. And what better time of year to consider that sort of love than during the month of February, when hearts and flowers abound and romance fills the air?

Li Ying is one of my personal heroes. A devout believer, she lives in China, where she is currently serving a ten-year sentence for distributing Christian writings to children. Separated from her family and working long hours in a labor camp, this courageous young woman has yet to literally lay down her life for her beliefs, but she daily pays a heavy price for remaining faithful.

Danny is another one of my heroes. He is seven-year-old boy with cerebral palsy and a passion for Jesus. In his halting way, he tells everyone he meets about the great love of the One who died for sinners. Though his awkward speech and mannerisms often result in Danny's being the butt of many jokes, particularly from his peers, he doesn't let that stop him. Greater love drives him on.

Ruby is yet another hero I greatly admire. This feisty octogenarian can only get around with the help of a walker, and even then her painful arthritis makes her movements slow and arduous. But Ruby refuses to give up or give in when it comes to taking every possible opportunity to model God's love to those who so desperately need to see it.

Pastor McDonald ranks right up there at the top of my hero list too. He and his wife have served Jesus for decades, though they've never built a huge church building or hosted a TV program to proclaim the gospel. Instead they have faithfully preached of God's love and mercy, week after week, month after month, year after year, to their grateful congregation of poor and homeless in the old part of town. As a result, the McDonalds still live in a tiny apartment above the sanctuary where they have worked and served since the early days of their marriage. No one in need of a meal or a bed or a prayer is ever turned away, though it often means the pastor and his wife do without themselves. But as they are so well known for saying, "It's what Jesus would have done."

There is no end to the list of heroes out there, people who are willing to model God's great love and lay down their own lives—whether literally or figuratively—for others. But what about us? Do we live in such a way that people can see that great and selfless love of Christ operating in and through us?

It's a question I've asked myself many times. Sometimes the answer isn't exactly what I want to hear.

My 88-year-old mother lives with us, and I am her primary caretaker. At times that's not an easy job, particularly when balancing it with a fulltime writing/editing career and all the other responsibilities that go with life in general. To be truthful, at times it's so difficult and stressful that I want to run out the door and not look back. But it all came into perspective one day when I least expected it.

I had been praying for direction in my own life and ministry when I heard the Lord whisper to my heart, "Somebody has to set up the chairs." I knew the Lord was stressing the need to serve others in ministry, so I readily agreed.

Then, a few weeks later, I was running at breakneck speed, trying to accomplish far too many things in far too little time, when I realized there was yet another detail I needed to attend to for my mom. That's when I caught myself grumbling—and I didn't like the sound of it at all.

"Forgive me, Lord," I whispered.

Somebody has to set up the chairs, came the answer.

Stunned, I realized God wanted me to understand that my day-by-day—sometimes moment-by-moment—decisions to serve others weren't restricted to serving those in fulltime ministry, but also those with whom I interacted all the time. I realized too that the selfless choices required for that sort of service can be much more difficult than what I had considered the "big sacrifices."

It's a lesson I try to keep at the center of my thoughts each day, and particularly now that Valentine's Day, the so-called holiday of love, is upon us. If we really want to model Christ-like love, the greatest love that submits its own desires to God and gives itself away for the sake of others, then we would do well to remember that someone has to set up the chairs—and then do it without grumbling.

Why not start with someone close to you? Instead of (or in addition to) giving a box of chocolates or a bouquet of roses, ask God to show you a way to "lay down your life" as an act of selfless love toward that person—not just on Valentine's Day, but throughout the year.

How to Make Love Work

By Stacy Hawkins Adams

Best-selling author Michelle McKinney Hammond has advised thousands of readers over the years how to find happiness in singleness and how to love themselves the way God intended.

One of her recent books, however, serves as a guide for nurturing a godly romance. In How to Make Love Work: The Guide to Getting It, Keeping It and Fixing What’s Broken Hammond takes a practical look at what it takes to develop and maintain a healthy relationship.

Hammond spoke to Crosswalk.com recently from Chicago, where she cohosts an Emmy Award-winning television show and serves as an empowerment coach and speaker.

Tell us about How to Make Love Work.

It’s a manual from A to Z, from singlehood all the way through marriage. Most people make decisions driven by emotions. They think as long as they feel good, love is working, and when they’re not feeling good it’s not working. Love not feeling good is an indicator that there is an area of the relationship that needs to be worked on. People always want the end result, but not the work it takes to get it. Sometimes work doesn’t feel good, but the rewards of it are fabulous.

What makes this book unique?

It’s a practical guide that incorporates a scriptural principle. I’m really just dissecting the parts of love and how you put them together - what proper alignment is, how you troubleshoot areas that are not working well, and the maintenance that’s involved. Nothing keeps growing on its own. A plant is beautiful as long as you water and nurture it with the right amount of sun. A relationship is the same. It has to be nurtured; it has to be refreshed.

I would say the difference also is this book’s much more objective take, in that it simplifies the main elements and leaves the choices up to the person reading the book. I give you tools and you get to make decisions on how to use them.

You indicate in the book that people generally look at love all wrong. How so?

Sometimes our expectations of love and what it’s supposed to accomplish in our lives make us feel we’re not loved at all. What we expect the other person to do, that poor other person doesn’t even know what your expectations are. He may not know or he may not be wired to do those things. Does that disqualify that it is love? It’s the expectation that now does damage to the relationship. That’s why our hearts have to be grounded in God’s Word.

No person will ever be able to fulfill all of our expectations about love, because God won’t allow it. There’s a hole that can only be filled by Him.

You equate building a solid relationship to assembling a great product. What are some of the vital components?

Women are wired to be receivers and men are wired to be givers. A socket is available for the plug. It is what it is, but it doesn’t pursue the plug. It is connected to all the things it should be connected to. Being open to making the connection is important where the woman is concerned.

Men’s initial and greatest fear is rejection. We have to be inviting and look approachable. Hidden attitudes can reveal themselves in our posture and expressions. Loosen up. Compliment the guy on his shoes so he knows it’s safe to talk to you. If he’s a boy and he’s waiting for you to run after him, that’s not someone you are going to want to be tied to long-term. If he’ s not aggressive in his pursuit of you, he will be passive in other important areas.

Let’s dissect your title. The first part of How to Make Love Work addresses how to find love. What’s your advice?

You’re going to have to do the work on yourself first, in your own heart and mind, about your expectations about love and what it takes to be good to you. Dating is for collecting data. You are collecting information to see if this person is qualified for courtship. Then, as friendship develops, you decide if you are going to be more intentional about pursuing a courtship. It tells you the things to look for and the things you need to flesh out as a couple and the maintenance that is required. Every day we choose to trust people who are not qualified to be life partners.

You also advise to readers how to keep love, once they’ve found a partner. Why do you refer to it as preventive maintenance?

People get to the altar and say, ‘I do’ and think, ‘I’m done. Now let me move on to the next goal on my list.’

There are some things that need to be in place to keep you from having problems. The basic things people need are patience, kindness and understanding, as well as the willingness to yield. If we are pursuing principles, sometimes we will lose the partner and the relationship in the process.

What about long-term maintenance?

Passion is important. It’s great to like each other, but it’s nice to have the icing of passion. There should be anchors in relationships that pull you back to your original feeling. You should still have date night and traditions and things in your home that lead you back home.

Laughter is also key. It’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves and with one another.

Why do you advise readers not to make their mates their ‘everything’?

Your ‘everything’ should be everything you’ve already built into your life. That person should be a wonderful addition to that. (Otherwise) you are setting yourself up to be disappointed and for the relationship to fail. Giving that person permission to be who they are empowers them to be greater for you. It’s a delicate dance.

What is your current relationship status?

I’m single, single single! There are different levels—there’s ‘Single, but getting out of a relationship;’ ‘Single, but seeing someone,’ and ‘Single, single, single,’ where you are footloose and exploring your options.

Being married is not the qualifier for knowing how to be married. If that was the case, nobody would be divorced. The quality of your present relationships is a good indicator of what your marriage would look like. Are they healthy? Are they long term? Most of the relationships in my life are 20 years old and over. I still have the same friends I had in 1976. That prepares me to know how to do the work to maintain and sustain a long-term relationship. The same keys have to be in place in your friendships and family interactions. You’ve got to do the work in other relationships, too.

You assert in How to Make Love Work that ‘We become the sum total of the love we are able to give and inspire in our lifetimes.’ How so?

Isn’t that the legacy we leave? Nobody talks about your job when you leave. They talk about the quality of your relationship with them.

When Tabitha in the Bible died, the widows mourned and brought their coats and other clothing she had made for them, and Peter raised her from the dead. The relationships and the things you did for others literally keeps you living after you are gone. Your life is a sum total of relationships. Make sure you have good ones. If there is no permanent mate, spread it to family and friends. They are the precursors to everything you’ll experience in a marriage.

The Fruit of a Healthy Relationship

By Les Parrott & Neil Clark Warren

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. – Mother Teresa

With an understanding of how to find and read your social barometer, an exploration of social competency, and a study of the fine art of empathy, we want to leave you with a bit of inspiration. We believe that inspiration goes a long way in helping you use your social barometer to engender self-giving love.

You’ll remember that we’ve said who you are is more important than what you do. This is particularly true in your relationships. Tips and techniques can be helpful, but a relationship ultimately rests on the psychological health of two people. In fact, your relationships can only be as healthy as the least healthy in them.

So we will say it again: If you want a healthy relationship, the most important thing you can do is get yourself healthy. And we know, because you are reading this, that’s exactly what you are doing. So with that in mind, we want to highlight the payoff for your efforts. By recounting these payoffs to yourself on occasion, you will increase the likelihood of a more self-giving lifestyle.

When two healthy people (both tuned in to their social barometer) get together, it’s like drinking lemonade in the desert. They breathe a collective sigh. They relax. They can be who they are, and they know that just being together will restore their spirits.

Why? Because some things – what we call the fruit of a healthy relationship – are certain. In a healthy relationship, you can count on, at the very least, these four qualities: confidentiality, honesty, personal space (when needed), and almost always a good laugh.

The best portion of a good man’s life – his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. – William Wordsworth

Fruit #1: Confidentiality

A Jewish publication ran an advertisement dominated by a drawing of a very stern-looking, bearded rabbi of the nineteenth century, the Chofetz Chaim, who wrote a book about gossip called Guard Your Tongue. At the bottom of the page was a “hot-line” number to call anonymously if you have information about someone’s potential marriage, business dealings, or whatever. A rabbi at the other end will tell you whether your gossip is important enough to pass along. If not, you are counseled to guard your tongue.

Interesting, isn’t it? The advertisement reveals as much about the state of our relationships as it does about our propensity for gossip. Who among us hasn’t been hurt by a broken confidence? It usually begins when your friend says to someone: “You have to promise you won’t tell Brenda I told you this because she made me swear not to tell anyone…” It sounds very confidential. But then why are they telling you the secret? They appear to be keeping a secret but aren’t.

Jesus understood this when he said, “Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.”

We’ve all shared private and personal information with a trusted friend, only to learn later that our friend has blabbed it to the world. But does this mean we can’t expect anyone to keep their mouth closed? No. Not if they’re healthy.

We need to tell secrets our secrets. It helps us explore what’s troubling us and sometimes leads to helpful feedback. Sharing our secrets lets us test the reaction to what we’ve been holding in our heart. Not only that, it’s a relief not to be the only person who has experienced a certain temptation or tragedy. It makes us feel less alone when we unburden our soul and a friend says “me too” or “I understand.”

Sharing a secret can bring us closer together and deepen our relationship – but only if the relationship is healthy. Healthy people consider it a privilege to hear what’s on our mind, and they leave it at that. When it comes to keeping a confidence, healthy people are a human vault.

Fruit # 2: Honesty

"Genuine relationships cannot exist where one of the parties is unwilling to hear the truth," said Cicero, "and the other is equally indisposed to speak it." As painful as the truth might be, a healthy relationship cannot survive without it. As the well-known proverb says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

Now this does not mean that honesty gives license to be insulting, offensive or badgering. Healthy relationships call for speaking the truth in love and respect. Without these ingredients, honesty is a lethal weapon. Perhaps that’s what caused Cicero to add, "Remove respect from friendship and you have taken away the most splendid ornament it possesses."

People deserve the respect of knowing the truth. They deserve to know if they are hurting someone’s feelings, being too aggressive, too lazy, too anything. And healthy people know they can’t live without this kind of feedback. For without it, they cannot achieve unswerving authenticity, or understand themselves well enough to be able to empathize with others and extend self-giving love freely, without conditions or restraints.

Some time ago I (Les) was counseling a twenty-something student named Lisa who came to my office in hopes of resolving a problem with a close friend. Lisa wasted no time in telling me the problem concerned her friend’s stinginess.

“Jenny is so tight, she squeaks when she walks,” Lisa confessed.

“Is this a new problem?” I asked.

“Oh no, it’s been going on for years. But it’s really wearing thin, and I find myself wanting to avoid being with Jenny whenever money is involved.”

Lisa went in to tell me how meticulous Jenny can be when trying to figure out a shared bill at a restaurant. She told me about the time it took an extra 10 minutes to pay for parking at a downtown garage because she wanted to make change for splitting the bill.

“How does Jenny respond when you talk to her about being so stingy?”

“Talk to her?!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never brought the subject up. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Lisa and I spent the next several minutes exploring how much she valued her relationship with Jenny. Turns out, they were “best friends.” But here she was, on the brink of tossing away an eight-year friendship because she didn’t want to hurt Jenny’s feelings.

In other words, the one friendship she cared more about than any other was about to go under because she couldn’t speak the truth.

Fortunately, with a little advice and coaching, Lisa mustered up the courage to confront Jenny on this annoying habit and the problem began to slowly reverse itself. The point to be learned here is that friends who do not care enough to confront may save themselves a little awkwardness in the present, but they will end up losing their friendships in the future. A healthy relationship is built on honesty.

Healthy people aren’t afraid to be honest, and they aren’t afraid to be themselves. They follow Emerson’s advice: “Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.” Translation: Speak the truth, because if you are afraid of making enemies, you’ll never have good friends.

Fruit #3: Personal space

Emotionally needy people don’t understand the meaning of space. They mother and smother us with their very presence. Their constant connecting becomes oppressive – if not possessive. This kind of person has no appreciation for what C.S. Lewis meant when he said: “"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out."

In other words, Lewis recognized the need for space in a healthy relationship. He saw the need for multifaceted relationships that help us shine where another friend, even a close one, simply is not able. This is one of the marks of a space-free relationship: Each person relinquishes a possessive hold to enable the cultivation of other relationships.

Along this same line, a healthy relationship respects serenity. It recognizes the value of a thoughtful silence and a private retreat. Philosopher and author Henry David Thoreau once said, “I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Let’s face it: There are times in everyone’s life when we need to be alone – times when we need to gather our wits and allow our soul to catch up. Healthy people understand this. Part of self-giving love means we provide space, when needed, for the companion of solitude to enter a relationship. Of course, we also know when to return, when to break the silence and rejoin the other person’s journey.

All of us need space for the companion of solitude but, even more, we need to be in relationship. After all, it is this very space and separation provided by a healthy relationship that draws us back to a full appreciation of the relationship.

Fruit #4: Humor

Humor is always risky. What is appealing to some is appalling to others. In a survey of over 14,000 Psychology Today readers who rated 30 jokes, the findings were unequivocal. "Every single joke," it was reported, "had a substantial number of fans who rated it 'very funny,' while another group dismissed it as 'not at all funny.'"

Apparently, our funny bones are located in different places. Some laugh uproariously at the slapstick of Larry, Moe, and Curly, while others enjoy the more cerebral humor of Woody Allen.

Despite its risk, healthy people are willing to take it. Humor is like a litmus test for mutual understanding between two people. Sometimes it fails miserably, but it can also reveal the possibility of a deeper connection. Perhaps more importantly, laughter is the fuel that keeps healthy relationships going once they are born. It’s what enables friends to help each other cope in the midst of crisis. After all, where would we be without someone who could make us laugh?

Viktor Frankl is a profound example of how humor can empower a person to contend with horrendous circumstances. In his classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl speaks of using humor to survive imprisonment during World War II. Frankl and another inmate would invent at least one amusing story daily to help them cope with their horrors.

"If you can find humor in anything," according to comedian Bill Cosby, "you can survive it." Researchers agree. Studies reveal that individuals who have a strong sense of humor – who can laugh easily with at least one other person – are less likely to experience depression and other forms of mood disturbance. Scientists hypothesize that humor helps us cope because it offers a fresh perspective.

When the naturalist William Beebe used to visit his friend President Theodore Roosevelt at Sagamore Hill, both would take an evening stroll after dinner. Then one of the other would go through a customary ritual. He would look up at the stars and say, "That is the spiral galaxy of Andromeda. It is as large as our Milky Way. It is one of a hundred million galaxies. It is 750,000 light-years away. It consists of 100 billion suns, each larger than our sun." Then silence would follow. Finally, one of them would say, "Now I think our problems seem small enough."

Every healthy relationship knows that humor lends a fresh eye to our troubles and gives us a new perspective.

So long as we serve; so long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend. – Robert Louis Stevenson

What Men Really Think About Successful, Independent Women

By Cliff Young

Have you and your friends ever looked at something, like a situation, an inanimate object, or a person and have come to totally different conclusions about it? We all have.

I love how the human mind works – how fast it takes in data through the eyes, processes and compares it to personal desires and experiences in the mind, and formulates an instant impression. I know men do this well, sometimes too well, especially when it comes to women (so I’m reminded by some of my female friends).

Many of them are “mature,” single, well established, have great jobs, own their own home, are very independent and are very happy. They travel the world, they fix things around their homes and they serve in leadership roles in their church. Maybe you know some women like this or possibly are one. A question that I am often posed by them is this: “What do Christian guys think of women like me?” Knowing that this is a loaded question, I usually find some politically correct answer that seems to pacify them for the moment and move on.

I am now ready to come clean.

Not trying to speak for the entire single Christian male population, I’ve done some smaller-scale research and have come up with some non-scientific results in order to help women to better understand guys, as well as attempt to educate some men out there, if willing.

So, what do men think about successful, independent women? I’ve broken it down into three major impressions with male personality types associated with each.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT an exact science, and there are generalizations in each category. There is no one specifically who I was thinking of while writing this.

Attraction and Admiration

Many men are actually attracted to and admire women who are independent, self-assured, and established, no matter what some of you may think. There is respect for what they’ve been able to accomplish in their lives and who they are as people. Some of these skills are obtained out of necessity, but nevertheless many men find these qualities quite attractive.

Men who are drawn to independent, successful women usually fit into either of two categories. They are either themselves independent, self-assured, and established, or they are very dependent, unsure of themselves and basically “mama’s-boy” (looking for someone to take care of them).

Men in the former group are more confident, know what they want and enjoy what they do. They are usually ones who enjoy less “high maintenance” types of women and doing things for them out of desire rather than out of obligation or need.

Men in the latter group are those who may enjoy a stronger type of woman, who does not necessarily replace their mother, but are a satisfactory substitute or augment their mother in the relationship. Men with no purpose or direction seem to be drawn to women like this in order to have a purpose.

Women often enjoy the attention and company of these types of guys for awhile, being the center of a guy’s attention and being needed, but soon realize that they have nothing to bring to the relationship. Some women oblige in order just to have a relationship.

Intimidation

The most common reply from women as to why they are still single is that “men are intimidated” by them. Many men can be intimidated by a woman who is capable of doing everything for herself. Being with an independent woman can expose weaknesses or challenge a man’s abilities in the skills that she knows, thus injuring his ego. They may look at women like this as threatening to their manhood and cause them to run. It’s true (sorry guys). Nobody wants to be shown up by others, and our society has made it a weakness for a guy to not be able to do something better than a woman.

One type of man in this category is usually not sure of himself and lacks the self-confidence. Insecurity may play a big role which can often stem from upbringing.

A man who may seem to be intimidated by a stronger woman is in reality may just be “turned-off” due to a desire or preference for the “old fashioned” type of girl. Granted, the person that he meets may be that type of girl, but has just had to fend for herself over the years.

No Need Perceived

Some women give off the impression that they are so independent that they don’t need anyone else, especially a husband. Many times this may not be the case, but a self-assured personality along with a settled lifestyle of having a home, career, and everything in order can make a man feel as if there’s no place for a man in her life.

Many men end up not pursuing women like this not out of intimidation, but rather out of perceived “ultra-independence” on the woman’s part. According to many single males who I’ve talked with, some women puts out signals, consciously or unconsciously, that they aren’t interested in a relationship. They are fine the way they are, and they don’t need a man in their life – no matter what they may say.

Many guys have told me how they were very interested in a girl, but she kept on emphasizing her independence and all that she was able to accomplish. They were left thinking, “Where would I fit in?”

Lessons Learned

For Men:

• Women want to be pursued, they want to be needed in a relationship and they want to be treated like a lady - chivalry is not gone or outdated (you may want to “Google” the term if you’re unsure of what it means; that would be a good start).
• This is the case for many women: YOU have the task of living up to what their fathers are or were. It might be a good idea to ask about their dads, meet them if possible and emulate (not fake) some of the traits.
• Vulnerability, honesty, transparency, communication are all traits that seem to be key to a successful relationship.
• Being friends with females is great, but most guy-girl friendships need to be clarified at some point. I once heard somewhere that in every guy-girl non-dating relationship, one person or the other at some point wants the relationship to go further than just a friendship. Think about it, if it’s not you, it’s probably them.

When I was a child, I remember visiting my pediatrician’s office and seeing a poster in his office. It read, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

I never gave it much thought, after all I was a child and as a child you can do just about anything. But as a man, “I put childish ways behind me.” Notice that this is a statement.

What I didn’t realize was that it came from 1 Corinthians 13:11. There are a lot of guys still reasoning like a child.

For Women:

• Guys want to be the “man” in the relationship (granted some don’t act like it, but in their defense many were never showed this in their home while growing up).
• Guys want to be (or at least feel) needed.
• Guys want their significant other to admire and have confidence in them. I know that some guys may not deserve it, warrant it, or know what to do with it, but it’s important to a male psyche. If you get to a point where you can’t do it, ask yourself “why are you in the relationships at all?”
• Guys need a break sometimes. It’s not easy to balance what guys should be like in the world and then get a differing interpretation in church.
• Be sensitive to what the guy is trying to do for you. To some men, it’s not easy dealing with some women.

Beware: a potential relationship may be closer than it may appear.

What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?

By Scott Croft

Given this biblical theology of sex and marriage [presented in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ], what does a healthy, biblical dating or courting relationship look like in practice?

The attempt to answer that question has brought about a literary flood over the last several years, with different works bearing different levels of usefulness. A few examples include Boundaries in Dating; Boy Meets Girl; I Kissed Dating Goodbye; I Hugged Dating Hello; I Gave Dating a Chance; Her Hand in Marriage; The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right; and Wandering Toward the Altar.

These columns can be divided into two groups. One group generally supports the method of "dating" and attempts to instruct readers to date in a "Christian" way. The other group rejects the current dating method altogether as biblically flawed. It advocates an alternative system, which most describe as "courtship." In my reading, the book on this topic that seems the most sound theologically and practically is called Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris (he is also the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye).

What is the difference between courtship and dating, and is one more biblical than the other? I will provide a working definition of each, describe how the two methods are broadly different, and then recommend why one method is fundamentally more biblical than the other.

Defining Courtship and Dating

Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.

What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.

The Differences Between Courtship and Dating

What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad differences between what has been called biblical courtship and modern dating.

1. The Difference in Motive

The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-35).

Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. I am not advocating arranged marriages; rather, I am pointing toward the biblical purpose for why young men and women associate with one another. These passages do not argue that marriage should be the direct goal of such relationships so much as they assume it.

Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by "trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none. How many examples of "recreational dating" do we see among God's people in the Bible? Zero. The category of premarital intimacy does not exist, other than in the context of grievous sexual sin.

The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date.

2. The Difference in Mind-set

The second major difference between biblical courtship and modern dating is the mind-set couples have when interacting with one another. What do I mean by that? Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do?

I cannot tell you how many men I have counseled who are terrified to commit, worrying that as soon as they do, "something better will come walking around the corner."

Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV). It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.

In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" while biblical courtship asks, "How can I be the one for her?"

3. The Difference in Methods

Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods. And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably physical divorce.

Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much information as possible to ensure that the right decision is being made. And if we can enjoy a little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.

Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of 1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud our sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and hers, whether they marry each other or not.

In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.

He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage, and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy.

Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be married, and whether they can service and honor God better together than apart. The man should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her.

In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done well, Christian women will be honored, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be honored. And God will be glorified.

10 Ways to Be Marriable

By Suzanne Hadley

A few years ago I was visiting my parents when I caught my mom with some interesting reading material: Marriable by Hayley and Michael DiMarco. She divulged a few of the book's insights and assured me that I was on track. When you're working toward something, whether obtaining a degree, succeeding in a career or finding a life partner, it's not a bad idea to study how others have done it — and done it well.

With this in mind, I informally interviewed a dozen married couples to find out what drew them to their spouses and what made them stick around. These 10 characteristics rose to the top.

(Note: Some names have been changed to protect couples' privacy.)

1. Contentment. When Nathan met Kelsey, he noticed her beautiful smile and the fact that she was satisfied with her life. "She wasn't desperate to get married," he says. "Kelsey had two plans for life: one that included a spouse and one that did not. That told me that she was content with whatever God brought her way."

Jessica caught Jim's attention the moment she walked into the room. "She acted differently than most people — reserved and modest, not showing off her obvious beauty," he says. As Jim got to know her through the outdoor activities they enjoyed doing together, he noticed her self-assurance. "She wasn't looking, but she wasn't resistant either. I got along with her very well, and it seemed that she wasn't trying too hard to be the person I wanted."

2. Initiative. Josh found many things to love about Danielle, including her stunning auburn locks, but the thing that most caught his attention was that she was living her life with purpose. She had graduated from college and was succeeding in her career as an exhibition design assistant at a big city art museum.

"Some girls I knew were sitting around waiting for this wealthy, good-looking man to take care of them," Josh says. "Danielle was living life to the fullest and that attracted me to her.

"I thought, If a girl is sitting on the couch at home all day at her parents, will she sit on the couch all day as my wife? In Danielle, I could see a glimpse into the future and knew she would carry the same passion and energy she had for God, our church and her job into marriage. As it turns out, I was right."

Similarly, Gretta, who was friends with her husband, Jay, for three years before they began dating, noted his work ethic. "He was determined to do well at whatever he set out to do," she says. "He was reading books on relationships, talking to trusted married friends and seeking wise counsel. I saw in his work life how he wanted to excel. He would do whatever it took to get the job done, and he applied that same determination to our relationship."

3. Kindness. Johanna was first attracted to Paul because of the friendliness and kindness he showed to everyone, not just her. "And I thought he was a hottie," she adds. After they were married, Johanna discovered that Paul's kind heart extended to financial generosity as well. "He gives way more than the standard," she says.

4. Consistency. Kelsey knew she wanted to marry Nathan when she was grocery shopping with him for a dorm section event in college. They weren't even dating. "I thought to myself, I could shop with Nathan for the rest of my life!" Kelsey knew Nathan for two years before they began dating. "He was consistent," she says. "He was the same person no matter who he was around or what situation he was in."

5. Optimism. Gavin and Jamie met while working together at the same church. "I guess it was natural I would take a second glance at someone who was my age, cute and single," Gavin says.

But once they began dating, he discovered something else. "She'd lived through some rough times growing up (like me). Yet somehow, she'd come out on the other side with a remarkably positive attitude about life and an unshakeable faith."

Even when Gavin lost his job, and thought that might end their relationship — "Who wants to date a guy who just lost his fulltime income, right?" — Jamie was supportive and encouraged him in the next step. That pattern has continued into their marriage.

6. Commitment. When Josh began attending Lindy's church and quickly committed himself to the worship and leadership teams, Lindy was impressed. It was also a "happy coincidence" because she was on the same teams, which meant they got to see each other three times a week. Josh demonstrated the same kind of dedication as he pursued Lindy for marriage. "He's a man of integrity who knows how to make a commitment," she says.

7. Spiritual Passion. Krista believes God told her to marry her husband, Craig. "I quite willingly agreed!" she says. "When I was growing up, my mom told me to pray for a husband who is passionate about God. I did, and I got him! I am able to respect Craig because he listens to God and obeys His voice."

From the first time they met, Melissa loved Brock's green eyes. The kind of guy who would buy her a trinket she liked or plan a fun outing together, it was Brock's devotion to Christ that ultimately won Melissa's heart. "His desire to know Jesus and develop a closer relationship with Him was evident through the dating process," she says. "He has a very strong commitment to the Lord."

8. Humility. Christine met her husband, Mike, via their blogs, and eventually moved to Australia to marry him. Among his many good qualities, Christine says of Mike: "He is open about his flaws and sincerely repents of his wrongs. I can see his tender heart constantly being shaped by the Holy Spirit to become more like Christ."

Josh's humility "really got my attention," Danielle says. "I'd been around a lot of men who were full of pride, who never gave heartfelt apologies or thought they were wrong. Josh had a humble spirit, and I really loved that about him." She's discovered that this humility also allows Josh to be a good leader of their home.

9. Faith. Shy and reserved, Sarah might have never talked to Andrew if he hadn't sat by her at a college ice cream social and struck up a conversation. But as she got to know him, she noticed his deep trust in the Lord. "I knew Andrew would make a good spouse because of his commitment to being a godly man and the way he trusted the Lord for all of his needs. That was a trust that I saw the Lord rewarding time and again as He provided exactly what we needed at the moment."

10. Perseverance. Rebecca and her husband, Kade, had a long, difficult engagement. "I experienced so much grace, love and truth-telling," Rebecca says. "I felt completely valued and loved in a way I never had before, and I saw Kade persevere in the challenge of relating to my parents, who didn't like him."

Mike heard about his wife, Jessica's, "brains and beauty" before he ever even met her. When they did meet, he was hooked. But five months after they began dating, Jessica went on a year-long mission trip to a country with limited Internet and phone access. While she was away, Mike got up at 4 a.m. many mornings to chat with her online, spent a fortune on calling cards and even visited twice, staying for two months in the summer.

"Then I knew he would not only support my dreams but join me in them," Jessica says.

"Throughout our relationship, Jessica was committed and loyal," Mike adds. "We had a saying 'up and to the right' (like the trend you want to see in the stock market). As time passed our love for each other continued to grow. Marriage has its ups and downs. Being able to make it through the downs is what strengthens a relationship."

Each of the above 10 characteristics was mentioned again and again — by people who know. This list is certainly not comprehensive, but based on the fact that most of the couples interviewed have been married for between five and 10 years, these qualities seem to be good indicators not only of "mate" potential but of success in married life.

Getting married and staying married isn't always easy, but solid character is a good foundation for both.