Before You Say "I Do" to a Pre-Nup…

Stephen Bloom Esq.

Are you a joyful bride-to-be? An eager (or nervous!) groom? Perhaps you have a son or daughter getting married this summer? Perhaps a beloved grandchild? Or maybe a lifelong friend? So many of us have a special acquaintance or family member ready to "tie the knot" in a beautiful marriage ceremony of thrilling romance and holy commitment this year. So what does any of this have to do with the law? Why am I raising the subject of weddings in my Christian legal column?

I'm writing to brides and grooms and those close to them because I want to encourage you to build the strongest possible marriage from the beginning, a marriage built on the solid foundation of God and His Word. And I'm writing because I want to encourage you not to weaken or undermine that sacred foundation by relying on destructive legal "worldly wisdom" that commonly advises you not to get married without first entering a pre-nuptial agreement.

A pre-nuptial agreement (informally called a "pre-nup") is a legal contract between a husband and a wife. It spells out in excruciating detail who owns what property, who has what legal rights, and exactly what happens if the couple gets separated or divorced. But is a binding and enforceable legal contract between husband and wife really consistent with God's plan for Christian marriage?

In an era of frequent marital break-ups and complex family structures, our cynical culture and most secular lawyers portray anyone getting married without a pre-nup as either foolish or naive. Before the wedding day, we are warned, wise couples should agree in writing what will happen if and when the marriage dissolves. But is there something wrong with this pessimistic advice? Should Christians begin their sacred marriage relationship as if it were just another business deal? Is it healthy for a husband and wife to be forced into negotiating against one another as legal adversaries, each with their own attorneys, in the days or weeks before they are joined as "one flesh" in the eyes of God?

As a Christian lawyer, I believe pre-nuptial agreements tend to undermine the marriage relationship, putting the sacred covenant on shaky ground from the beginning. God calls husband and wife to be unified - to live as one, to share freely, to trust and honor and love each other in every way. But the very process of creating and executing a pre-nup glorifies a contrary perspective, one that is destructive and disruptive to the marriage. The whole psychology of pre-nuptial agreements encourages each spouse to think of herself or himself as separate from the other, to be suspicious of the other, and to hold on tightly to "what's yours" and keep it from the other! It's the opposite of unity!

I know my thoughts on pre-nups run contrary to what most lawyers would consider "correct" legal thinking. Certainly my perspective does not fit the conventional model of standard secular legal counsel for engaged couples. But as a Christian lawyer I have no choice but to look at the legal questions we face from a biblical Christian viewpoint. I answer to a higher authority, and that authority says, "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24 NRSV)

How committed to each other should a Christian husband and wife be? Should they be 50% committed? 70% committed? Is a 90% commitment enough? Isn't the answer 100%? When God teaches us about marriage, when he uses those words "one flesh," it sounds to me like God intends for husbands and wives to be 100% committed to each other. But the existence of a pre-nup sets the husband and wife at odds with each other. It's like saying to your beloved future spouse, "Honey, let's agree up front that we aren't necessarily 100% committed to each other." And that's why I'm very reluctant to endorse the use of pre-nuptial agreements. To me, they just don't seem consistent with God's design for Christian marriage.

Lawyers could probably think up a thousand different situations where cold logic and a secular perspective might dictate that the spouses "need" a pre-nuptial agreement. But under God's plan, what either spouse has "going in" doesn't really matter because everything belongs fully to both spouses once they're married. If either spouse feels they can't freely give everything to the other, then, quite frankly, I would humbly suggest they need to seriously and prayerfully reconsider going through with the marriage vows.

With wedding season still in full swing, let me urge you, engaged couples, to focus on building lasting oneness between you, as you both seek to serve and honor Christ in your upcoming marriage. And for those with friends and loved ones about to be married, let me beg you to do your part to encourage that kind of Christian unity and help the couple resist secular pressure to buy into "pre-nup propaganda"!

I pray God's blessings on my brothers and sisters about to enter the joy and richness of Christian marriage. I know marriage won't always be easy, but you will never regret beginning this precious journey together on the unshakable foundation of Jesus Christ and His Word. So please, think twice before you say "I do" to a pre-nup!

What Iron Man and Batman Say about Us (For Man)

Dan Johnson

He has showed you, Oh man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

Two summer blockbusters tell us more about ourselves than we realize. The first movie, Iron Man, is an adaptation of Marvel Comic’s series about billionaire weapons maker Tony Stark who dons a suit of armor to fight those who use his technology to hurt others. The irony is that Stark’s product is weaponry, which always kills and destroys regardless of the intentions or ideologies of the user. Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) is forced to overcome his own self-indulgence and lack of concern for others when thrown – literally, blown – into a world of realistic suffering.

The second movie is The Dark Knight. In the new Batman movie, we witness an all-too-human hero (Christian Bale) whose fight against evil is really a reflection of his internal struggle for a healthy heart and mind after personal tragedy. In The Dark Knight, as in all Batman movies, crime plagues the city and an evil nemesis shows up to wreak havoc, to test and tempt the heart of the superhero before the final fight begins.

Iron Man and Batman have two obvious similarities: both have “man” in their names; “man” is the last three letters of HUMAN. We all struggle with a dark side and have to get up each day and overcome it with God’s help. Like these two heroes, the only hope we have is by putting on a suit of armor (see Ephesians 6:13) which gives us the attitude, the mindset and the internal power of the Holy Spirit to generate supernatural living.

Like our superheroes, we want to see justice in the world. The thought that we could do something about world hunger, child abuse and exploitation, and AIDS makes our hearts beat fast. Good people are angered by the pain and despair of others. Watching movies about superheroes and loving mercy may cause us to think, but we must move on to doing justice.

Are you like Batman, praying to overcome the dark side in your own life so you’ll be ready to fight the good fight when called upon? Are you like Tony Stark before the change of heart, focused on your wants and desires? Or, perhaps you are already on a mission to do as much good and help as many people as you can? Today is a great day to put down the popcorn, suit up and start living before the movie is over.

Going Deeper:

1. The Bible teaches that we can do “all things” through God. What do you need to overcome to feel ready for a new assignment?
2. What are your strengths and how are they being used today?

Further Reading: Ephesians 6

A Biblical View of Feminine Beauty

By Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre

Last week, the Mahaney women discussed the finer points of having a modest and pure heart (read Fashion and Following the Savior here). But does modesty leave room for the outward beauty we all desire? This week, Carolyn and daughter Nicole go to the Word to find out...

Carolyn: Now that we've established that modesty begins in the heart, it's time to consider what it means for our wardrobe. What's a modest girl to wear? Once again, let's turn to our 1 Timothy 2: 9 passage. Here Paul instructs the women to clothe themselves in "respectable apparel."

Now let me set your mind at ease. Adorning ourselves in "respectable apparel" doesn't mean we must restrict ourselves exclusively to cheap, out of style, unattractive clothing. Paul is not saying that gold or pearls or braiding are forbidden. In fact, you will find other places in Scripture where godly women wore fine clothing and jewelry.

For example, the Proverbs 31 woman - who is put forth in the Bible as a model for biblical womanhood - wore colorful, high-quality clothing (Pr. 31:22). We read where the bride in Song of Solomon adorned her appearance with jewelry (S of S 1:10). We are told that Esther underwent 12 months of beauty treatments - 6 months with oil of myrrh and 6 with perfumes and cosmetics (Es. 2:12).

So we are not to take this verse to mean that godly women should try as hard as they can to be out of style and unattractive. No! Quite the opposite. God is the creator of beauty. God delights in beauty. All we need to verify this fact is to consider the beauty He created all around us: whether it is an elegant flower, or towering trees, or a meandering river, or billowy clouds or the majestic night sky. Every time we stop to take in one of these breathtaking scenes on display in God's creation, we can't help but be convinced that He delights in beauty!

And because we are created in the image of our Creator, each of us has this propensity to make things beautiful. That means, when we decorate our homes, or plant a lovely flower garden, or seek to add some form of beauty to our surroundings, even when we attempt to enhance our personal appearance - we are actually imitating and delighting in the works of our Great Creator.

Now granted, these activities can be sinfully implemented; but still, we must not overlook the fact that the essence of our desire to beautify comes from God. John Angell James in his book, Female Piety (first published in 1860), offers this helpful thought:

This taste [for beauty], however in many cases it may be altogether corrupted in its object, wrong in its principle, or excessive in its degree, is in its own nature an imitation of the workmanship of God, who, "by his Spirit has garnished the heavens," and covered the earth with beauty.

Now hopefully we have convincing proof that our desire to enhance our appearance isn't wrong, that "respectable apparel" does not have to be dowdy or out of style. So what exactly does Paul mean by "respectable apparel"?

Nicole: In 1 Timothy 2:9, Paul insists that the women "adorn themselves with respectable apparel" and not with gold, pearls or braids. If Paul was not forbidding stylish clothing or banning jewelry, what was he getting at?

To the women of this first century church, Paul writes to warn them against imitating the dress and adornment of the ladies of the Roman court and the prostitutes. These women were known for their extremely expensive, showy clothes and ridiculously elaborate hairstyles. They dressed, not only to attract attention, but to seduce as well. Paul does not want the women of the church to dress in this manner and thus be a distraction during the church service, or at any other time.

What he is condemning is not attractive attire, but the association with worldly and ungodly values. Women who profess godliness, he says, should not dress in such a way that resembles those who are extravagant, or worse, intent on being seductive or sexy. Simply put, we are not to identify with our sinful, worldly culture through our dress.

So, the question for us is this: Who are we seeking to imitate or be like in our dress? Who inspires our wardrobe? Are we preoccupied with looking like the latest American Idol winner or the actresses and music stars on magazine covers, or the immodest woman next door?

A while back, I saw a few minutes of one of the innumerable makeover stories on television (I'm surprised we haven't all been "made over" by now!). Two women were going to receive a new look. One of them wanted to look exactly like Jennifer Anniston, and the other like Jennifer Garner as I recall. These two ladies (who, I'm sorry to say, didn't look a bit like the actresses they so admired) were just gushing about how much they admired everything about these glamorous stars—their style, their way of walking, their clothing, their hair. It might have been comical if it wasn't so sad.

Most of us are not trying to look exactly like a famous actress—we know it's a lost cause! However, if we are seeking to imitate the sexually enticing clothing of the women in our culture, we are no different than these two wannabes. That is why Paul's message is urgent—not just for the original recipients of his letter, but for us today. He doesn't want the women in the church looking exactly like the ungodly, seductive women in the world.

Women in the church are to be different from the world. We should be stand-outs—not because of our revealing clothing, but because of our distinctly modest heart and dress.